Come home
by JessyNick
Summary: Squinoa. If something ever happened to the one you love, would you be able to bring them back to how they were?
1. Chapter 1

I actually began this story 3 years ago, and now it finally is going to be on fan fiction, I just hadn't finished the last chapter. Please read and review! 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Jess

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I looked at the baby in the crib sleeping peacefully. She looked so beautiful and comfortable snuggling with a stuffed Chocobo while she slept. The subtle movement of her tiny chest moving up and down rhythmically was enough to take my breath away each night while I watched her sleep. 

Lately, I hadn't been getting much slumber myself. Worries about the well-being of my husband Squall were weighing heavily on my mind. He had been called away on an important mission; not exceedingly dangerous, but I was still racked with worry. I fretted each time he went away on a mission for Garden. Although, Squall hadn't been called away on many missions since the birth of our daughter, Kali, and it was a good thing too. For this mission, they needed Squall's expertise with a Gunblade to scare the leader into signing a treaty with another nation.

Squall had been gone when our baby was born, and he had become acquainted her when she was a month old. Squall looked so scared that he was going to hurt the little baby; as she was nestled in his arms. I remember his expression when he became accustomed to the sleeping baby. He seemed thoroughly content, that all was peaceful in the world. One time I walked into the room, I watched as they were both sleeping in the rocking chair in our baby's room. He had fallen asleep in the same position with which he held the baby but, his head had tipped back onto the headrest of the rocking chair. I smiled and took the sleeping baby from his arms, and placed her in the crib. As I did so, Squall had woken up, and the look he gave me; melted my heart. Before we went back into our room, Squall took one last look at the sleeping baby, and kissed her forehead gently.

I mimicked Squall's idea, and kissed our baby on her forehead. Then, I pulled the robe I had been wearing closer to myself, and slept on the couch in her bedroom. I didn't want to be alone in our large bed without Squall tonight. After long hours of fighting sleep, I finally let sleep take me. Horrible dreams shook me that night. Pain, terror, fear flashed through my head. I awoke when the morning was new, and fed Kali. She seemed extremely at-ease, and didn't give me much fuss that morning.

Later, when Kali was taking a nap, Selphie invited herself in. She had been missing Irvine as well, since he had been called on the same mission with Squall. I found out something I didn't know that day. Selphie and Irvine were trying to have a baby, but up until that time, their attempts had been unsuccessful. I tried to reassure her that it would happen for them soon, but Selphie didn't seem up to talking about it. I turned the conversation onto something else, and Selphie seemed happy for the change in mood of the conversation.

Selphie's presence was a good thing, she would always take care of Kali, and in doing so let me relax. She always had a excited face whenever she got to tend to Kali. I often wondered if Selphie had a child of her own, if she would still have that happy face whenever she had to change diapers. I believe that Kali enjoyed her presence as well, as her little gray eyes would open up real wide while she smiled when Selphie would make baby noises and tickle her little tummy.

That night, Selphie volunteered to baby-sit Kali for a few hours so I could go shopping. I believe she sensed my boredom of being stuck in that room all day long. I took this opportunity so I could try to decipher why I had those dreams the night before as I walked the streets of Balamb, and I prayed that they would not shake me again that night. I bought some new clothes for Kali, and a present for Squall that I could wear for him when he returned. I felt a little raunchy purchasing it, but I knew how his eyes would light up when they would fall upon it. I stayed out as long as I could, and returned fairly late. Selphie still had a happy grin on her face, and asked me numerous times if everything was all set before she left for the night.

I slept in my own bed that night, although the bed felt so large and empty. Wanting to feel sure that Kali's noises would wake me up; I set the baby monitor on the highest setting. I also moved Squall's pillows sideways, so when I slept I would rub up against them, as I would if Squall were in bed with me. However, the pillows would not comfort me, or kiss my neck, as I yearned for Squall to do.

It took me a few hours to fall asleep that night. Kali didn't cry the entire night, which was a rare occurrence. Even though I did eventually fall asleep, it was an uneasy sleep. I kept having dreams of Squall becoming hurt somehow, but I would never see how; I would just see him in pain. I woke up with a start the next morning, as Kali was crying for her breakfast. I prepared a bottle for her, but I was still nervous for my Squall.

Selphie came over later and we sat down for a cup of coffee. She seemed to have gotten less sleep than I had. My nightmares were still stealing almost all of my thoughts, so I decided to ask Selphie about it.

"Selphie, do you ever worry about Irvine?"

"How do you mean? Like him cheating on me? Why, have you heard something?"

Her voice was serious, so I tried to soothe her by immediately saying, "No, I haven't. I meant, do you worry about him when he goes away on missions?"

"Of course I do. I assume that he does the same when I leave on missions. Whew."

"But, how do you cope with that worry?"

"I just put my attention onto other things, like the Festival Committee, and coming over here and playing with Kali." She grinned at me as she said the last part.

"Do you ever have vivid nightmares of Irvine getting hurt?"

She looked at me pensively. "Not really, sometimes just a little nightmare, but nothing too serious. Why Rinoa, are you having horrible nightmares?"

"Yes, but they aren't like normal nightmares, just images, flashes and pictures."

"Odd," she shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you Rinoa, just don't let it drain your thoughts too much. Its probably from being cooped up in this same dorm all day."

"Do you think I should tell Squall when he gets back?"

"Yes, you should have that open connection. OH!" She threw her hands in the air, "I forgot to tell you! Cid caught me in the hall earlier, they are coming back from their mission tonight! The treaty was signed! It completely slipped my mind. Grr! Stupid Selphie," she scolded herself.

When Selphie left, I began to get dressed in my more formal attire, rather than my house-clothes. I put on makeup and perfume, and dressed Kali up in a cute little dress. She giggled at me, since I was in a state of euphoria and acting quite unusual at the great news of Squall's return.

I heard a rapping on the door, and figured it must be Selphie to accompany me to go surprise Squall and Irvine at the unloading dock at Balamb. We'd done it once before. It was a long time ago, before Kali was born. We sat there for a few hours, because their ship had been delayed by the strong currents in the water. When they had disembarked, Squall's eyes illuminated as they fell upon us sitting there. I ran over to him, and he picked me up and twirled me around in the air. The feeling was that of playing a part in those sappy-romantic movies Selphie and I always watched. I longed to feel that flying sensation again.

I gathered Kali up in my arms, and went over to the door. When it was open, I looked out into the hallway to see Quistis standing there, with Selphie behind her; tears welling up in both their eyes.

"Rinoa," Quistis started, "We have something to tell you."


	2. Chapter 2

"Rinoa, we have something to tell you." 

At the sight of the two of them standing there, I started to feel shaky. I took a few steps back, and placed Kali back in her crib. Then I sat down in the chair closest to the door. As I did this, they took my actions as an invitation to come in. They approached me slowly, the way a person would approach a small skittish animal.

Quistis started speaking slowly, with a melancholy voice, "Rinoa dear, there was an accident. Something exploded in the ship that Squall and Irvine were on. They are lucky that it happened so close to shore, because they were able to get to a hospital quickly. Irvine was actually able to come back with a few bruises and cuts, and he came back to give us this information for you. They want you to go there to Squall, to help him."

Fearing the worst, tears began to flow down my face, I looked up into Quistis' eyes, and asked, "Why does Squall need help?"

Quistis turned away from my gaze and glanced over at Selphie. Selphie hiccoughed, her red face told me that she had been crying for awhile. They had probably been arguing over who was going to tell me the news. Now I sensed that Quistis was asking Selphie's advice on how to go about it. I would not turn my gaze away from her face; Quistis would tell me what was going on, whether she wanted to or not.

After what seemed like an eternity, Quistis continued, "Squall needs help remembering. Rinoa, when the ship exploded, he must have hit his head on something," she paused. "He has amnesia."

I sighed some relief, he was not in critical condition. "How much doesn't he remember?"

"He only remembers that his name is Squall Leonhart. I'm sorry Rin, but he doesn't remember you."

"How optimistic are they of him regaining his memory?" I asked, ignoring the last part of her statement.

"I'm not sure Rinoa, but they aren't very hopeful of his entire memory returning anytime soon."

"Where is he?"

"He is in the best hospital care in the world, in Esthar. Laguna's with him now. It's going to be hard returning his memory, if it is even entirely possible. You need to be strong for him now. They want you to go there as soon as you can."

Standing up, I walked over to my bureau and started packing things into my suitcase. I could feel Quistis' and Selphie's eyes travel on my back as I did so, but I wouldn't break down, not when I could use the time to get to Squall. I went over to Kali's crib and kissed her on the forehead. She was already sleeping peacefully in the crib, sucking on her thumb.

I turned to Selphie, "Selphie, could you and Irvine take care of Kali for me while I'm away? It will give you some more experience." I winked at her. I didn't want to bring up Irvine and Selphie's reproduction problems in front of Quistis.

Selphie nodded and started gathering some of Kali's things. As she finished by placing Kali's favorite stuffed animal into the diaper bag, she then picked my daughter, and we all exited the room. When we entered the hallway, I asked a question that took Quistis and Selphie aback; I asked if we could go and see Irvine. Looks were exchanged between the two of them, and then they lead me to Dr. Kadowaki's office.

As I entered, I could smell a think stench of blood penetrate my nostrils. A few tears sprang into my eyes, but then Selphie lead me to the bed were Irvine was, and he looked fairly decent. I found out that the blood smell had come from a younger child who had tried to take on a T-Rexaur in the training area. Irvine had a few bruises and bumps all over his body, and Dr. Kadowaki told me that he only had to stay one day for observation.

When Irvine saw me, a grim smile found its way onto his face. He seemed to straighten up, as though he was nervous to talk to me. I sat down on the edge of his bed, and looked over to him as I talked.

"How are you feeling Irvine?'

"Pretty good, don't really understand why I'm here though. I feel fine."

I smiled at him, "I'm really glad to hear that. Thank you so much for coming and giving us that information. I'm on my way to go see Squall now."

"Good. He really needs you. Maybe as soon as you walk in his memory will be restored."

"I wish, but from what I hear they aren't too optimistic. Irvine, I was just wondering, do you know exactly what happened to Squall?"

"Last thing I remember was we were hanging out by the back of the ship. He was leaning over the railing, and looking down at the water." As he said this, I imagined the water reflecting onto Squall's beautiful eyes and mixing with his gray color. "We heard some commotion coming from some of the crew and I went to go investigate. I told him to stay put, that I would handle it. I'm sorry Rinoa."

"Why are you sorry?"

Irvine sighed, and seemed to think of his words quite carefully, weighing what they would mean if he said them. Then he said, "If I hadn't have told him to stay, he wouldn't have been launched out of the boat. He would have been inside, and would have escaped with a few bumps and bruises as I did."

"That's no reason to be sorry Irvine. Its not your fault. Perhaps if he did go inside he would have been killed by something, perhaps you saved him."

Irvine smiled at me. Then said, "You go to him; Selphie and I will watch Kali. Take as much time as you need."

With Irvine's blessing, we decided it was time to depart. Quistis borrowed a car and chauffeured the four of us to the dock in Balamb. There was a small vessel awaiting us at the dock. Selphie got out of the car when I did, and let me say goodbye to my daughter. I was a little nervous; I didn't know when I might see her again. But Selphie would take care of my precious daughter and I trusted her. Kali didn't seem to think anything was wrong, but when I turned to get into the vessel, I could hear her start to fight Selphie. I heard Selphie coo into Kali's ear to get her to calm down, but it didn't seem likely she would anytime soon. I blew a kiss from the window of the ship, and watched Kali for as long as I could see her. When Balamb was out of sight, I turned to look forward to approaching Esthar, and my husband.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is a little sappy. I'm not used to writing like this, so I don't know if it will be any good.  
Jess

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As I disembarked from the ship, I saw a figure running to me with arms spread out. I saw Squall, with different attire, coming to embrace me. A tear rolled down my cheek, and I placed my baggage on the ground. I opened my arms waiting for the embrace, only to open my eyes to a long ponytail and a weak embrace. I realized then it wasn't Squall, but his father Laguna. I wiped my tear away when I realized my mistake, and smiled at Laguna when we stood face to face.

As he led the way to the hospital, which was looming over the large country, he started making conversation about Kali, and Garden, and how I was. Dark clouds swirled overhead; heavy with rain, covering the sun from me. The halogen lights lit the streets of the massive city, and Laguna led me to a transporter. As we got closer and closer to the hospital, the pauses between topics became greater.

Finally, as I took Laguna's hand to get off the transporter, the question I had been wanting to ask but was too afraid to leapt from my mouth. "Laguna, tell me the truth, how bad is it?"

Laguna's goofy smile slid from his face. He looked at me gravely, "Well, he's got a pretty big lump on his head, he doesn't really remember anything. It will be very hard for you. He'll look at you like a stranger, there will be no glint in his eye, a fleeting welcome smile, and questions. He asks a lot of questions. It hurts to see him like that. You may think you'll be strong enough now, but you have no idea. Don't expect his memory to return as soon as he looks at you. Don't expect him to come running to you, and don't expect him to yield to your touch."

He pushed the hospital door open, and let me enter alone. There were two beds in the room, the one closer to the door was empty. There was a curtain that separated the two beds, and a light on beyond it. I took a deep breath, and pushed the curtain back. I saw the back of a nurse, leaning over the small bed. As I entered, she turned to me and smiled, as she walked by me she said, "You have a good husband here."

I kept my eyes down as she passed. I still hadn't looked at my husband in the bed. Laguna's words haunted my thoughts, making me afraid to talk to my husband. My dear sweet husband who needed me now more than ever. The man who would stay awake all night, to wake me with a sweet kiss. Feebly my eyes strayed over the small hospital bed to the figure propped up against many pillows. Dressed in hospital garb, with a large bandage over where his beautiful brown silky hair used to fall, sat my Squall. He looked over at me as he was eating a cookie, crumbs tumbling here and there from his mouth.

"Hello miss, may I ask who you are?" He looked at me inquisitively the way a boy looks to an older authoritative figure.

I tried to find my voice, as I took a seat at the bottom of his small hospital bed. He didn't pull back, just stared at me with the same childlike look. "Hello Squall, I'm…I'm your wife, Rinoa."

"I didn't know I had a wife," he paused and looked down at his cookie, "What is a wife?"

I choked back a tear and tried to grin, "A wife is someone you are married to, because you love them and want to be with them forever."

"Oh," he started to consume his cookie again, still pieces were messing up his sheets, along with his face. "Rinoa, what's love?"

I hesitated, I didn't know how to quite answer the question in the way a child would understand it. I thought of Kali, and how I might teach her some day about this word. I tried to find the words and said, "Love is a feeling, it's actually kind of hard to explain. I don't think it can be fully explained. I know that I love you, because I care intensely about you, miss you everyday, I can't imagine a day without you in it. Wait…I know how to explain it. It is when you find that person, that you know will always stand by you, will always care about you, and will be the only person you ever need." Tears began to run down my face now.

Squall looked over at me, "Well that sounds like a very deep feeling. You feel that way about me?"

I smiled at him, and started wiping the cookie off his face, "I do, I do love you Squall."

"I wish I remembered what it feels like to love," Squall said and looked down at his bed covered in crumbs. After a few minutes he said jovially, "So tell me some more things about myself."

"Like what Squall?"

"Well, what's a normal day like at our home?" He said the word "our" inquisitively, almost as if asking if that was the way he should say it.

Where to start, I thought. "We get up in the morning pretty early, because we have to feed our daughter Kali."

Squall interrupted me, "Daughter? What's that?"

"A daughter is what makes you a daddy. You know how Laguna is your father?" Squall nodded. "Well, Kali is what makes you a daddy, she's our little baby. She's about this big." I motioned her size with my arms. "And you like to rock her to sleep in your arms like this."

I motioned the way he loved to cradle Kali. He grinned and started doing the motions too. I smiled deeply at him, this wasn't the way I was used to Squall acting, but it was intriguing. He didn't seem like his cool collected self this way. He was different, but I knew it was just from the amnesia.

"Then, sometimes you go to training. You teach younger SeeDs how to use their gunblades. You have a few students in your class, because gunblades are hard to master." I noticed he had a questioning look on his face, and continued, "A gunblade is a sword, that has a trigger on its hilt. When you use the sword, you pull the trigger, and a bullet will come out as well." That answer seemed to satisfy him. "After you help train the younger SeeDs, you come home and have dinner with Kali and myself."

"Is my favorite food cookies?"

"Actually, I've never seen you eat a cookie until today. You like to have steak for dinner, with mashed potatoes."

"Yum, that does sound good. I will order that tonight, are you going to stay here until tonight?"

"I'm going to stay here as long as it takes for you to get better."

"That sounds like fun, you seem like a fun person Rinoa."

I smiled at him, tears welling up in my eyes. My eyes didn't feel like they could take anymore, and I wanted to be by myself for a minute, so I excused myself to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I stared into the mirror, Rinoa, you can do this, I told myself. It hurt so badly, just as Laguna said, to see him like that. I felt so lonely, like my husband was a million miles away. After I cleaned my face, and made myself look presentable, I went back to Squall's room.

As I entered, I heard Squall ask, "Rinoa, do you like to wear blue clothes?"

I looked down at myself, and I wasn't wearing blue; I was wearing green. "Yes Squall. Do you remember me with blue clothes?"

"Yea, kinda I mean. You had a blue tied thing, and black underneath, right?"

"Yes Squall yes!" I ran back over to his bed and sat at the end of it. "Do you remember anything else?"

He had a large grin on his face. "No, but that's the first thing I've remembered since this happened!" he said pointing to his bandaged skull.

I smiled back at him, and drew him close to hug him. It was a one sided hug, he didn't draw his arms around me. I wished so badly that he would. I missed his touch so much.

That night, I slept in the extra bed in the room. The nurses had told me that it was all right if I did. I pulled the curtain away, so I could watch Squall as he slept. I prayed that night that Squall memory would be returned the next day.


End file.
